I got a call from Nana; she was in pain because the loss of her dad had led her to think she didn't do enough for him. She told me she suspected medical malpractice. I just listened. But in essence, I could understand the tepid place of justice from where she was speaking to me. She was in pent-up rage, and so she seeks revenge, made up for doing what is right. I listened to her and told her that she has a free choice to make, but there is something complex and ineffective in her requests. but she is free. I thought, as is anyone who decides to take a poison, thinking that it will save her past.
I listened to her for a while longer, giving her what little empathy I could have for practice. and wished her good night.
What I thought was harder, but I don't intend to tell her. There is no need for so much cruelty, but this thought of justice that she has is a compensation for not dealing with the dismal of not having loved him so much in the last times of his life, maybe even of feeling overwhelmed to take care of the physical discomfort that illness and old age produce for so many months. Who can blame her? It's complicated, I know. But I also understand that there is an internal process for some in the matter of forgiving, letting go, and learning. I had a connection with what I experienced some years ago with my dad too, but I didn't seek revenge. Maybe because deep down I felt that he was liberated. He was always strong, and now he was strong in the immensity of the cosmos. As light and strength, he could travel to the pillars of creation.
What do I know? It is complex to lose the one who loved and cared for you. It is hard to grow up, and what is harder is to see those who were by your side die. Life is never the same again, and that is the purpose. You learn to see without certain colors and sounds the new life as you take your turn. qepd mr. Long live and prosper.
