Sun hits

This month has been one of strong back-and-forth, pulled, and pushed. I won't say much. The beating of my heart faded by K.'s distance and then what my mother went through, have been meant to polish me with crisis and patience. What is love, what is the struggle? I've walked nights, felt the emptiness, been wrong, given up, and swallowed a tide of discouragement. Wishing that things were simple, were pleasant. But they are not. It's a thing of battle and living on the side of blue love, not being reciprocated nor her being available. So, I understand that I must not get attached, that there must be a sense away from the shores I know. 
And I would like this tribulation to be no more.
But I must travel far from the usual and begin to recompose myself, to silence those suicidal thoughts, that lethargy where I do not believe myself capable of something and with a lot of discouragement. 
And fight to trust, that imagining and hearing, are shields.
Why do I love you so much K?
I will say no more.
Only that I have so much to be thankful for because I have had favors and blessings.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And I will continue.