Hygge

Il s'agit d'une première tentative en français.
Cette phrase m'est venue ce matin. Nous ne sommes pas dans cette vie pour réussir, ni même pour être aimés. Nous sommes ici pour ÊTRE.
Et c'est ce qui compte. Avec l'espoir, avec la foi. 
Aujourd'hui c'est un premier samedi 2 avril, sachant qu'elle existe, papillon beau et brillant bichota, mais elle n'est plus proche. 
Et je termine ici.

I told some friends that starting April on Friday is a good time to make wishes from the heart. What I would wish for, is to find that path of actions toward building a meaningful life. That is achieved by aligning my values as compasses, like autumn songs to know what and who to say yes to and let go of the other.
Honestly, all the pain I go through and went through points to a transformation.  My broken heart, my soul in scraps, the stitching of my skin, the shadow of death and rejection, and more heartache as it has led me to act to survive. Resolve the crisis, and keep resolving. 
But, there must be closure.
I must try to build meaningful days, with actions that give meaning to my life. By me for me. Of course, there is still a long way to go, I must have patience and compassion.
But I can no longer be in a state of survival.
Because a life of merely surviving cannot be endured without falling into depression or suicide. So facing a sunny afternoon, the first Saturday of April, which is also day 02. The precise day of your birthday celebration. Great day of celebration even if I no longer see or speak to you.
I tell myself that I must be clear about what things are important to me.
And I think about the systemic.
I start from a triple idea. Pain and my shadow, it starts from three triggers.  My individual responsibility, my family history, and the sick society.
And I want, I seek, to get out of the swamp of not doing things that are important to me. Life is also beautiful, also crying and confusion. That is the chorus for my funeral. It is BEING. 
I am.
With questions, with significance to know my meaning and what matters to me. Enjoy.
I miss you mom, I learn to live without you, too. 
I am.
I miss you Karrartev, I learn to live distanced and silent for you.
I am.
I will be.
And I don't want to give up, yet.
I am.